Don’t panic. Don’t panic. As long as the exam questions don’t involve the French and Indian War, or anything from like the 1700-1900s, I’m golden. 

Well here we go…

Name: Jennifer Carver (Do we get points for our name? I hope so, and it seems fair to give points here.) 

 Please read the questions carefully and answer completely for full credit. 

Question 1: Evaluate the extent to which the Seven Years' War (French and Indian War, 1754–1763) marked a turning point in American relations with Great Britain. Further analyze what changed and what stayed the same from the period before the war to the period after it. Cite specific examples from the course readings, as well as additional sources you have utilized throughout the course. 

Funny you should ask this, Professor Davies. You see, while this episode in history is probably extremely important, the episodes of Ted Lasso were far more pivotal this semester, in my opinion. I’m sure the Seven Years’ War established a lot of things. Like, really great things no doubt. The French and the Indians probably had a hearty handshake following that fight. LIke after the soccer matches in the show. And that war, it’s like when Rebecca gets a divorce in Ted Lasso, and things are rotten, but then she’s able to cope with things. I’m sure that’s how things worked out for both sides of that war. Because a divorce can be like a war, right? Am I right? Two sides that can’t seem to find a solution. Then the lawyers get involved. Then there are all those fees. Like in a war. Like! In the Seven Years’ War! I’m not sure the total dollar amount in damages. It very well could have been in the article you gave us to read (that I really did intend to read eventually), “Implications of the Seven Years’ War”. And if I had to wager a guess, it was probably on page 3, because page 1 and 2 were likely backstory information before the real meat of the article. That’s generally how these articles run. Right? But we all know that nobody actually really reads them all the way. A good skim is a good skim, Professor.  

So now to address what stayed the same and what changed, before and after the war. Well, I’d have to say that people never really change. Take my ex, Paul. He said he was at the library studying, but do you know where he really was? Studying Rachel Sanders in her dorm room. Of course I believed him when he said he was studying, but then when Melissa told me she saw them going to a party and leaving from Rachel’s, I confronted the traitor. Wars are full of traitors, and the French and Indian War likely had traitors just as despicable as Paul. And that war lasted seven years. I’m fortunate my relationship with Paul didn’t last that long. I wasted long enough on him. But you know what? I do miss him. Those were three very intense weeks that we dated, Professor Davies. It’s like even when things end, are they really over? Like, did the French people and the Indian people just go back to the way things were? You can’t just forget when someone wrongs you. Maybe the French accidentally keyed the Indian’s cars in the middle of the night because they had a few drinks and it made them feel better. Maybe the French threw eggs at the Indian’s apartment door. Are these war crimes, or means for a restraining order? I think not. 

Question 2: In a well-developed essay, discuss the importance of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”, published in 1729, as it related to the economic state of Ireland. 

Jonathan Swift was way out of line with this entire thing. I mean, even if conditions were bad in Ireland, the solution is not to eat children and sell them. Yeah, I guess it would reduce the number of Catholics in Ireland and stimulate the economy and help with food shortages and all, but I’m really not sure if it’s ethical. I’m a vegetarian, so if I were living in Ireland I would not even eat chicken let alone children. What would all the vegetarians in Ireland in the 1700s do if this were their only option? When I became a vegetarian it was because I love animals so much and couldn’t eat them. I also love children, so I would not have been able to eat them either. Paul was not a vegetarian but I was ok with that because I was so in love with him. I wonder if Rachel is a vegetarian or if she eats meat like Paul. He probably broke up with me because I’m a vegetarian and don’t think he should have ten-cent wings on Fridays at the bar. Those were innocent chickens who lost their wings and can no longer fly because he enjoys them in a sweet and spicy sauce appetizer. But in the sense of economics, as with Ireland, maybe it makes sense. Maybe not everyone can afford to eat fresh fruit and vegetables all the time. I think Ireland also had some potato issues, so there’s that too. Paul loved mashed potatoes. He may even have been Irish. If he didn’t break up with me like literally right before exams I would have had more time to look things over, Professor Davies. But Paul doesn’t care if he ruins my life. Paul only cares about Rachel and her short leather skirts. 

Question 3: What was the Indian Removal Act of 1830? In a well developed essay, explain how it affected Native Americans. How did the Trail of Tears have an impact on the Cherokee and other Native Americans?

The Indian Removal Act was an underhanded and dirty way to get rid of people that were once very important to America and then BAM! Just send them on their way as if they weren’t already planning Thanksgiving Dinner with their families, complete with matching shirts. And we all know the Indians were very important for Thanksgiving Dinner. So maybe now Paul will be having Thanksgiving Dinner with Rachel instead. But will I cry a Trail of Tears about it? Will I lay awake at night texting and posting my poems about him on Instagram? Maybe. Does it impact him like things impacted the Cherokee and other Native Americans? Why isn’t Paul crying a Trail of Tears over me? He told me I was the first girl who really “got him” and appreciated him the way he should be. But do we know a good thing when we have it or are we quick to just “relocate” people for other people. Know who should be crying a trail of tears? It’s Paul. Because he will be sorry he lost me. Just like America was sorry they lost the Native Americans. And then they tried to get them back. They didn’t call campus security every time one showed up unexpectedly. But everything will be just fine. My therapist said everything will be just fine! Maybe the Native Americans have closure now after everything that transpired. And I’ll have closure just. Like. Them. 

Click here to Submit Answers. Grades will be posted three days after the last scheduled exam date. Best of luck!