TW: bullying, slight physical violence, insinuated abuse, mental illness

Gossip has never been an activity that I have particularly enjoyed, having been on the bad end of that sort of thing, I've always tried to stay out of it. It effects my life to this day, and I don't think I could ever do that to another person.

One classmate in particular, Tracy Julica. She was the worst for it. Some would even say she was the root of the issue. Get on her good side, and you might as well have a force field around you, protecting you from every bad rumor around. But get on her bad side, and that's a totally different story. I, unfortunately, got on her bad side from day one.

Now, I've never been the most put together person, but my two older siblings had hyped me up for my first day and I was pumped to get the day rolling.

Summer showers covered the town in a warm rain. After being dropped off at school, I strode into the building, confident that I would muffle my anxieties and make the most out of this beginning of the school year.

The day started off rather well too. I went to my classes, I was quiet but productive, I even started talking to a few people in my Art and English class.

Then came lunch.

I bought some pasta from the cafeteria, and made my way towards a table with a few of the people I had spoken to in my last 2 classes. I never made it to their table.

I felt a force shove me from my left and I flew into a girl. I hit the floor hard and hissed in pain, whilst I heard a gasp of disbelief from the person I had been pushed into. I looked up to the girl, meeting the sight of her nice looking jacket now covered in my lunch. I started to apologizing immediately, filled with guilt and shame. She looked down at me and scoffed, clearly angry that I had ruined her jacket.

"This jacket was brand new, and now you've ruined it!" She shouted at me. I tried to explain myself, but she cut me short, rolling her eyes.

"I don't care about whatever lame excuse you have. I promise you this though, cause me any trouble again, and I will ruin you. Got it?"

I stood, shocked for a moment. not sure on what to reply with. She didn't give me the chance to reply, and marched off to another table.

I later discovered what her place was in the school. Her mother was the principal of the school, giving her the ability to glide under the radar and do as she pleased. She had total control over most of the school populous. So, I tried to stay quiet. I hung out with a couple of people who I began to consider friends.

Weeks passed after the incident, and I didn’t have any other run ins with her, luckily. She gave me a look every time we crossed paths, as if daring to do something, anything to give her an excuse to ruin my life. Unfortunately though, I discovered we shared all the same classes, except for art, so I would receive her stare quite frequently.

We received the results for a pop quiz we had in science class, and I had come out top of the class. I was proud of myself, firmly believing that the countless nights I didn’t sleep in order to do well had been worth it. The look on Tracy’s face though, I will never forget. The look of embarrassment mixed with pure, unbridled rage is permanently burned into my mind, because that is the face that would bring me misery. The class ended and she cornered me near the lockers where I was grabbing my belongings for my next class. “What, the hell, was that in there?” She demanded, her face red with vexation and wrath. Instead of backing down, as I had been doing since the moment I met her, I stood my ground. A big mistake.

“Well, that was my hard work and effort out for display.” She seemed shocked that I was actually talking back to her. I took this moment to finally vent some of my frustrations that had been building up.

“Unlike you, I actually did my work, so why don’t you go actually study, or ask you mum to help fix your grades, or anything else that doesn’t bother me, coz I couldn’t care less about you and your grades. I don’t have anyone to help with my work, so I’m just trying to do right by m-” My sentence was cut short with a sharp slap to the face. I felt the heat of pain spread across my right cheek, and I held it instinctively, shocked by the ferocity of the slap itself. I looked up to see the girl blurry in front of me, tears filling my eyes. She moved closer to me and whispered in a low tone, preventing anyone around from listening.

“I told you, I would ruin your life. You’re really gonna get it after embarrassing me like that.” She spat in my face and left me there to processing what had just happened. I tried not to think too much on what Tracy had said, so I could get through the day without having some sort of panic attack. It was a Friday anyhow, so I could just focus on whatever schoolwork I had and do some things for myself over the weekend, and I hoped that by Monday, everything would be forgotten, and should be smoothed over.

Oh, how wrong I was.

The weekend was over before I knew it, and the nerves hit my stomach hard as I made my way to school on the Monday. 

The very moment I stepped into the school, my heart sank as I felt the stares of students burn into the back of my head. I heard whispers coming from all directions, and anxiety washed over me. I tried my best to rush to class, stumbling as my anxiety had turned me into a total klutz. I sat in my seat and instinctively looked over to Tracy, who's face held a troublesome grin.

My heart raced, thoughts rushing through my head. It was as if they were trains moving so fast they could jump off the rails at any moment. A lump formed in my throat and I knew I was going to be sick.

So in a state of panic, I ask the teacher to let me go to the bathroom, and I couldn't leave that classroom fast enough.

I threw up in the bathroom, only making it to the toilet with a few seconds to spare. Afterwards, I washed my face and tried to calm down. For all I knew, it was only my anxiety that was getting to me. What could Tracy have said that was anything bad? It was the beginning of the year, so I was sure it would be fine. No one knew of the things I dealt with at home, and no one ever would. Would they?

Taking a final breath to gain my composure, I shook the thoughts from my head and went to march out of the room. Turns out that luck wasn't on my side, and I ran directly into the one who had caused this mess. Tracy.

She blocked the door, an evil grin painted on her face. 

"So, has anyone said anything to you yet?" She asked. I rolled my eyes, attempting to remain doubtful that she had any actual info on me.

She walks closer to me, and the nerves grew.

"Um, you're not supposed to be in the boys bathroom. I'm sure even you would get in trouble for that" my voice shook, giving away the stress and fear in my voice. The next words that came from her mouth made the blood drain from my face.

"Well, if we're playing by the rules, you're not allowed to be in here either" she hummed, appearing to be proud of her findings. My eyes were wide, the breath was taken out of me. I felt faint, and panic started taking over. 

I pushed her against the wall, closing the gap between us, so close my words sprayed her with the venom I felt bubbling in my stomach.

"How, the hell, do you know about that?" I whispered in a low and shaking voice.

A million thoughts rushed through my mind. Did my binder show? Did my voice sound too high pitched for a moment where I didn't notice? Were my clothes not baggy enough?

Tracy snickered at me, not seeming to care for the violent gesture.

"Well, it wasn't too hard. Considering my mother is the principle, and she has access to student files. All it took was a phone call, waiting for her to go outside for just a second, and giving me enough time to find out plenty of things about you! Like your…" she looked me up and down, as if deciding on where to start. The calmness in her voice sending shivers down my spine as I knew what she was going to say next was going to be gut wrenching to say the least. She continued low and calm, as she did before.

"...deformity, your little family arrangement, your mother being a good for nothing pr-" I covered her mouth, not letting her finish.

"You can't say that. You can't say anything about that, no one can know."

She pushed my shaking hand away.

"Well, if you were to say, do me favors whenever I asked, I might consider it. And if anyone finds out about this, or if you get too close to any of those little friends of yours, then they'll be dragged right under that same bus as you, got it? That being said, just do what I say, and the rumors about you, being you know, a girl, will all disappear. How does that sound?" She tilted her head in an innocent way. Her body language didn't match the intent of her words, setting me on edge. I could see how she got away with half the things she does, and I hated it. I hated her, if I could I'd hit her here and now, regardless of the guilt I would feel afterwards. 

Instead, I sighed, and took a step away from her. She knew she had me cornered, and there was nothing I could do but agree to her conditions.

"Fine. As long as this whole mess just, goes away, and nothing else gets worse. You swear not to say anything?" I questioned.

The filthy smirk on her face made me feel sick.

"Trust me, just be a good tomboy, and my lips are sealed. I'll see you back in class" I watched her walk away, triumphant as she always was. I sat in one of the stalls for the rest of the class to calm myself down.

What on earth have gotten myself into...