STORY INFO
Fini Flight
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Author
Camphor White
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Categories
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Danh mục
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Update
6 months ago
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Part Chapter
1/??
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Reads
28
Content
Fini FlightTigger Warning:Suicide, Violence, Swearing"It's like flying."She said as I peered down at the two dead bodies laying on the ground below me. I was one of the four who decided to jump instead. The unlucky four who didn't escape."Well?"Well what? You're asking me to jump off a fucking building."Together?" I ask"No, you go first."What does that mean? Is she really going to chicken out? She was the on...
Outstanding reviews
THANK YOU SO SO MUCH MOR THIS COMMENT! I am going to take all of it into account. I think I am going to go through the story again and edit it with everyone's ideas in mind then re-publish it to my profile. Comments like these really help me, and I appreciate them very much. Thank you so much for reading I hope u have a great day.
Wow This was a wild in depth view of this story in every angle. I am actually starting out trying to get recognized. Would like to ask for a favor for some advice on my work if possible to do an in depth view on some of the stories I have. Of course only if you have time. I've been writing for years but would like a different perspective to advance my skills as a writer.
Absolutely wonderful feedback! I'm lovin' it.
This story was ok. It definitely needed another round of edits. A couple grammar mistakes, and some confusion in the middle. It could have been longer as well, so we could maybe get a better picture of the MCs motivations. Obviously pulled out a win because of the prompt, and congratulations on that, but definitely could have made this stronger. Pantsing doesn't mean not editing.
Thank you, I will definitely keep all of what you wrote in mind. The more I read through it I find myself wanting to change things. Thank you for this comment.
Thank you for taking your feedback graciously. I have no doubt you will improve on this one and use the experience on your next piece. I look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you, that means a lot.
I thought this story was ok. It was a little hard to understand though.
i agree. but at the same time its a good concept.
i agree. but at the same time its a good concept.
i agree. but at the same time its a good concept.
how were you personally affected by it Jessica? like you knew a guy who knew a guy who went to the school ten years ago? And now you identify as a victim on instagram for attention? Such a slap in the face to the firsthand victims. Camphor was just trying to express his personal take on it. Not everyone has to share your viewpoint or write about an experience in *one* social justice warrior approved way...and the fact that you're too stuck up to even respond to the lad who gave you such a thoughtful response is quite disappointing.
No, my cousin attended Oxford highschool during the shooting. She lost friends and we could have lost her. The victims are real. What I said was not a slap in the face, but what you said absolutely is.
key word: "could have" My great uncle jerkins also could have potentially died in Pearl Harbor. Therefore, I am a victim of Pearl Harbor. Nice logic. You're nothing close to a victim. Stop whining.
Are you ok?
I'm hangin' in. Thanks for askin
I'm hangin' in. Thanks for askin
Hi there, whoever has read this I thank you very much. I keep seeing comments where it was hard to understand, I am wondering where that would be exactly so I can change that in anything I might write in the future (sorry if this sounds cheesy at all) I am truly just trying to improve.
Hi there, whoever has read this I thank you very much. I keep seeing comments where it was hard to understand, I am wondering where that would be exactly so I can change that in anything I might write in the future (sorry if this sounds cheesy at all) I am truly just trying to improve.
Excellent! This to me is the perfect short story; it is not a neat, beginning-middle-end, predictable piece of writing. It stimulates. It provokes the reader to question, to try to find a personal reference to make sense of it. It's not supposed to be a cosy, easy read. It captures an atmosphere, a moment. I was there on that ledge! I saw and heard the police! Well done!
Thank you so much, I'm happy you liked it :)
Clapping on response.
Hi Camphor, this story was dramatic which I love. I understand how people can see this as confusing, however, you did follow the prompt so I know where you are coming from. Either way, as this is your 1st story, it's not bad. I hope you can write more stories in the future. Peace out!
Haha thanks so much for reading it!
You're welcome!
Wow, this is an amazing story. I really REALLY love the ending on how it says, “I always did want to fly.” I didn’t see that coming.If you would take the time to read my story and give me feedback, I would love that. Thank you :)
Yay thanks so much! I read it and left a comment! Take it as you will, I really liked it though!
i feel that this story hits you right in the face it is the best story I've read on here
Thanks so much for reading it!
Thanks so much for reading it!
Thank you so much for reading it, I'm happy you enjoyed it. I'm sorry for what you had to go through. Society is fucked up to the max and although I am grateful I cannot relate to your situation, I am sorry. Thank you so much for reading it. I really appreciate it. I wish u well in whatever you are doing :)
nice story
Wow. Just wow. That's all I have to say about this story. By far my favorite I have ever read so far, and I've read quite a few. Thank you.
I usually spread read through stories, to get the gist and more on. I read quickly at first but then I sat down and read it. You did this story very well for the prompt. Based on the prompt, it’s perfect. Very riveting. I really liked it. Well done.
Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it
Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it
I like the points you bring up in this comment, especially the idea of formally introducing the character's gender. I never thought of doing it! I'm really happy you noticed that. I have been waiting for someone to point out the first and last line. I was starting to wonder if it was noticeable. I thank you for reading it, and for your feedback. I really really appreciate it :)
This was such a good story! You brought everything together and made it a total winner. NICE JOB!! You are an inspiration to our younger writing generation, like me!
Yay! Thank you so much for reading it, I'm happy you liked it :) I hope someday I can read something by you.
they should have lived tbh but this is still an amazing story
Holy. Honk. I’ve never felt this emotionally immersed into a story like this before. This is truly amazing, dispite the sad ending.
It's okay but you should read it mine it's really good
Gosh, Camphor. This was amazing! Amazing but heartwrenching, especially that last line. Keep writing!
Really sad.
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