STORY INFO
Goodbye
-
Author
Alice White
-
Categories
-
Danh mục
-
Update
1 year ago
-
Part Chapter
1/??
-
Reads
83
Content
It was awfully quiet. Too quiet for her comfort, the room had never felt this silent before. The only sound she could hear were the raindrops leaving an intricate pattern on the foggy windows.She flicked the light switch, but nothing happened. Flicked it again, and one more time for good measure, but the bulb stayed cold. She let out her breath in a short, sorrowful sigh, releasing every emotion she didn’t know she felt, emotions that kept her mind captive, like cold, dead fingers squeezing and clinging onto her heart.T...
Outstanding reviews
Welcome to Reedsy Alice. A nice introductory piece here, full of melancholic reminiscence. There is a lot unsaid and that's ok, let the reader fill in the blanks. The mood is as grey as the day outside, rain pattering on windows, the right kind of day for a final goodbye.
Hi Alice! I really like your writing style! Your choice of words seems really thoughtful and experienced, and I love your comparisons, for example the „like cold, dead fingers squeezing and clinging onto her heart“. Also, the small details you add to the story, that give the characters personality, like mentioning his habits (wanting everything in place, the blue color having been used the most). It feels really intimate.Really great writing!
Hi Alice.You don't tell what happened to him. Why is the room empty? How long has it been since they've been apart? But you didn't need those details. She is in a room that means something to her, and she is leaving something behind that meant something to them. It belonged in her past. She is moving on. Her intimate goodbye leaves what they had inside that room as she must move on without him. Very effective and emotional in the way you told your story.
More of this kind would stamp you. Congrats.
This was so heartbreaking. The story unraveled a bit like a mystery for me, as I wondered what the relationship between the main character and the dead man was. At first I thought she was his girlfriend, which made his "great love like the kind I never got to have" line sound mean and dismissive. But then at the end I realized that they were siblings and that he had been cruelly forced to stay in the closet, causing him to ultimately commit suicide, which was so bitter and sad to accept. A beautifully told, simple story.
thank you so much!
A good slow burn story
A good slow burn story
Congratulations on your shortlist win, Alice! (:
thank you!!
TOP Story