STORY INFO
Long Distance Phone Call
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Author
Marty B
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Categories
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Danh mục
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Update
6 months ago
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Part Chapter
1/??
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Reads
82
Content
You can talk to the dead on the pay phone in front of Seventh Street Market in West Oakland. There is also a donut store where they sell burgers, and a check cashing store in the small strip mall, but everybody references the market when talking about the Phone. I didn't tell my Dad we were going to California so he could talk to his dead wife, my Mom, until we hit Olympia, Washington. “That is the stupidest goddamn thing I have ever heard of! We are driving to Oakland to have a seance on a pay ...
Outstanding reviews
I appreciate you picking up on the theme of plans that go awry. Again my final edits need work :(
Congratulations on the win!
I noticed that too. I was like wait, isnt Gina the girl who's taking the trip?
Hello Marty!Congratulations on the shortlist! I loved so much of the vivid imagery you included in the piece. And the dialogue was superb. I love how it was like watching a game of ping pong between your two MCs. I also love how you characterized Mom without ever having her be a physical individual in this story. It was a very creative use of the prompt! Nice job!
Cool. See... It was a good first line.
Love the opener. Congrats.
I am glad you liked the beginning!
Very good story telling. I did notice a little tense switching towards the end, but hey... congrats on the win.
Great job. Congrats on the win.
Thank you Sarah P!
That's a sweet story. Congrats on the win.
Thanks for the good words!
Good opener and ending.
Appreciate it! I hope the middle kept up!
“You can talk to the dead on the pay phone…” w.o.w. That was something I was not prepared for. I love the reoccurring symbol of maps— how things don’t always go to plan but we still try to continue making plans anyway. Btw the admins sent me an email and said that you and I would be great in a critique circle. I’m glad they pointed me to your direction because this was a great read!
Emma -Thanks for reading!it is the old proverb “We plan, God laughs.”
Fantastic opening line...and you have told a tale I recognized in my own family... 👪
Thanks! yes, all too common situation. I hope times are changing for future familes.
Thanks! yes, all too common situation. I hope times are changing for future familes.
Your story gripped me from the start with a nuanced play between plans, maps, and feeling lost. The whole piece balances on the memory of road trips culminating with, "Why did I even plan at all!". The figure in the store beyond blurry payphone plexiglass resonates, as it speaks to occurrences felt after a tremendous loss (or maybe it's just me who's felt brushes with the spirit of a loved-one who's passed).
Your story gripped me from the start with a nuanced play between plans, maps, and feeling lost. The whole piece balances on the memory of road trips culminating with, "Why did I even plan at all!". The figure in the store beyond blurry payphone plexiglass resonates, as it speaks to occurrences felt after a tremendous loss (or maybe it's just me who's felt brushes with the spirit of a loved-one who's passed).
Thanks and keep writing!
This story was going to take me places from the first line. Dichotomy of what is and what could be versus what should be like another commenter suggested. It was so great to read something that brought a father and daughter closer together and they both seemed happier for it. Well done! LF6
I love this. Sad, funny heartwarming all at the same time. Great story, made me a little teary eyed.
This story works on so many levels and who wouldn't want a phone that you could use to talk to the dead? Hell, I'd re-install a landline if I thought it could work to do that.
Depending on and then surviving plans that fall through, then looking for the next plan. Much like life unless we have the faith to let God do the final planning. But it is so very hard to give up control and just listen.
Makes you want to go find that phone booth. :)
Wow! Clever beyond words. This should be made into a movie! Keep writing. I loved it. ☆☆☆☆☆
An article came out about your story. LolTechnology that lets us “speak” to our dead relatives has arrived. Are we ready?.technologyreview."clones-of-dead-people"
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