STORY INFO
The Aquarium
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Author
Chris Miller
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Categories
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Danh mục
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Update
6 months ago
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Part Chapter
1/??
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Reads
36
Content
Oh God, it was her. The copper curls. Unmistakeable. Oh God. From the pavement the people inside had been nothing more than unthreatening blurs. It had reminded Eric of the time when the council had fitted one way glass in the large front window of a social services office he had worked in. In an act of miraculous incompetence t...
Outstanding reviews
I agree with Jonathan that it's very Nick Hornsby, and I thought you maneuvered the prompt deftly. Just super clever with great dialogue. Well done.
Thanks very much, Kevin. Pleased you enjoyed it.
Hi Chris!Oh my gosh, I could feel the awkward moments and I could absolutely identify with each interaction. I also really liked the way that you touched on so many points about a culture. Of course there is so much that goes around coffee or tea, and I chuckled a bit at the “pronunciation trap” bit since we have all been there. I was utterly relieved at the end of the piece when the opportunity to start over was presented. Congratulations on the shortlist!!
Thank you ver much, Amanda. Very pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment.
This is a great story. Your use of words really brought this story to life. And overall this was a very well written and interesting prompt. Congrats!
Thanks very much, Avery. Pleased you enjoyed it.
Congrats. Fine work that holds interest.
Thank you, Philip.
Welcome
Great writing Chris!! Very funny stuff. Kind of had a Nick Hornby vibe at points. The dialogue was spot on for an awkward conversation that I think many of us have been on one or the other side of more than once. Really spot on. The internal dialogue and the protagonist's thoughts made it a very fast-moving and fun story. Great work and congrats!
Thank you very much, Jonathan. I have done decades of research on awkward conversations. Thanks for reading.
Thank you very much, Jonathan. I have done decades of research on awkward conversations. Thanks for reading.
Thanks Audrey. I really appreciate the constructive feedback. I did have my own doubts about the ending. It's left in a place where we think 'it could happen!', but without really saying why. I think if I redrafted I might put in a bit of a story from Neive to show that she's a bit vulnerable too, and not actually as unobtainable as Eric might think, making their getting together more likely. Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave such considered feedback.
I was happy for him when I thought "it could happen!" I agree that maybe lining up the reasons they might have potential would make it even stronger.
Loved all the little details that brought the story to life.
Thank you, Robin.
I loved this story. Your use of words and phrasing perfectly showed awkwardness. I loved he was too shy to publicly announce he was an introvert. Your character was true to that awkwardness throughout. Amazing use of phrasing. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you very much, Joan. I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
Charming and lovely and more than a little relatable (talking about the refreshing for yellow dots not the complete nervous socially awkwardness of the MC of course,no idea what that must be like 🙄)A great and joyful tale Chris
Thank you Derrick. The exercise was 'show don't tell' but they usually say 'write what you know' too...Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave such encouraging comments.
I think this is the first story of yours I've read. Thought it was lovely - so you might be able to thank me for the yellow dots going forward.
Thank you very much, Stevie. Pleased you enjoyed it.
You had me cheering for Eric from start to finish, hoping his wilted fern wouldn’t just up and die there on the table 😂 Great characters, and I just love the way you play with language and imagery. You have a gift with it. It never seems forced, just flows. Oh that little gold bell 🔔!! I laughed at that one! (Refreshes page…refreshes again…) 😂
Thank you so much, Nina. I hoped a few people would understand the problem of resisting that pull from the activity bell notification! Really pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
You show an awkward but charming character who has a habit of delivering hit and miss chat up lines. However, good taste in music and authors prevail so maybe all is forgiven. I like it when the MC buffs up his glasses and is reminded of his NHS specs of his past. I can also relate to the mustard dot email addiction. I thought that was funny and accurate.I enjoyed your story and was glad Neive was wise enough to look beyond the surface.
Thank you, Helen. Yeah, the relatable bit about the dot was a cheap shot but hopefully it got a nod from a few readers. Really pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
The mustard dot must light up the reward part of the brain 🧠
Oh, he’s adorkable! I’m such a fan of your phrasing. « grabbed his i-safety blanket© and bothered it with his thumb, focussing on algorithm selected news » is so real and so at home among so many other lovely ways of saying things.
Hi Anne. Thanks very much. I like 'Adorkable' and it definitely fits. I need to use 'dork' more. Thanks for reading.
It was fun to read about the "mustard spot."I kind of got lost in the dialog, that piece where there is a page of back and forth between two characters. I don't see that much and I got interested to see if it worked, wondering if I might try it myself one day. If you see it in my writing, you'll know where it came from! Cheers!
Thank you, Joe. I like trying to write dialogue that works without much attribution or scaffolding. Hoping that it takes the reader into it. Thanks for reading.
Thank you, Joe. I like trying to write dialogue that works without much attribution or scaffolding. Hoping that it takes the reader into it. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading, Michal. I didn't even think about the "plenty of fish" line, but that is a good idea. I will pretend that I meant it.
Congratulations on the shortlist!
Cheers, Michal!
Awkward score?Congrats on the shortlist.🥳🎉
Off the charts.
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