STORY INFO
Under a Dying Sun
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Author
Aeris Walker
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Categories
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Danh mục
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Update
6 months ago
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Part Chapter
1/??
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Reads
42
Content
Smoke rose from the crackling fire and dissipated into the night sky. Stars dotted the black expanse, innumerable as the grains of sand in the Mojave desert where Connor McClain lay on his back, head cradled in his arms, thinking of Saralee. I’m finally coming home, he willed his words across the dusty earth, through the mountain pass, and down the stretch of trail that would carry him back to the litt...
Outstanding reviews
That was brilliant! So immersive in setting, emotion, and galloping plot. Connors longing to be with Saralee is so strong and driving, yet there is something deeper there, his unwillingness to go home empty handed - literally acknowledged when he says Thunder is greedy for wanting more oats, it's like he's telling himself that.Although it could have just been a normal snake encounter, in my head I think the Devil was the snake, as well as saviour, and Connors undoing.Great Story, fantastic writing! Best of luck this week 🤞
“Galloping plot,” love that. Thanks for being a great reader and noticing the small details of the piece. I really appreciate it!
Congratulations on the shortlist Aeris!
Thanks, Kevin!!
Thanks, Kevin!!
How lucky I am--a comment from each of the Reedsy Miles :) I love your analysis here: "the passion in his blood for SaraLee which the victor taps in more ways than one." That's perfect. I wanted the character's passions for wealth and love to be constantly at war in this story, and though Connor isn't *put to the test* until he's on his journey home, I think he ultimately made his choice before the story began. And the devil, well he just doesn't play by the rules. Thanks for reading!
Thunderous applause for your galloping Western, Aeris!
On point with the wordplay!! Haha, thanks so much 💕
Wow, Aeris. Historical fiction is one of the most challenging genres for me, and you make it look easy. With elegance and grace. How effortlessly you weaved in the devil, as both snake and man. Perfection.
Hi AnneMarie! I've always been intrigued by this era/region, though in real life, the desert actually holds little appeal for me! I so appreciate your comment and am glad you picked up on those details of the devil's potential duality. Thanks for being a great reader!
Hi AnneMarie! I've always been intrigued by this era/region, though in real life, the desert actually holds little appeal for me! I so appreciate your comment and am glad you picked up on those details of the devil's potential duality. Thanks for being a great reader!
Hi AnneMarie! I've always been intrigued by this era/region, though in real life, the desert actually holds little appeal for me! I so appreciate your comment and am glad you picked up on those details of the devil's potential duality. Thanks for being a great reader!
Great emotional journey for a man who believes true wealth only comes in glittery gold. And his deal with the devil makes him lose what he needed but didn't value, his beloved Saralee. I really liked how these lines foreshadowed the end: 'Her voice was far away, mournful and hungry like the coyote’s cry. And when he looked into the water, he saw only gold, sparking in noon-day sun.'
Great emotional journey for a man who believes true wealth only comes in glittery gold. And his deal with the devil makes him lose what he needed but didn't value, his beloved Saralee. I really liked how these lines foreshadowed the end: 'Her voice was far away, mournful and hungry like the coyote’s cry. And when he looked into the water, he saw only gold, sparking in noon-day sun.'
“It sounds like gambling, like an addiction.” Yeah that’s a great way to look at his behavior. I hadn’t thought about it in that sense, but that’s exactly the kind of pattern he was getting caught up in—just one more roll, one more game, one more pull of the lever. As always, thanks for reading and making us all think more deeply about our own writing!
Congrats on the shortlist :D
Your descriptions are so good! This was so well done! Loved the sinking feeling you get in the end when you spent all this time searching for gold only to realize something so much more valuable was stolen from you in the end.
Spot on analysis! Thanks so much for reading, Danie.
Spot on analysis! Thanks so much for reading, Danie.
Thanks for reading, Lily! I didn't even think about that connection to a snake/sweet talking. The stranger too seems to have a convincing way about his speech, ultimately getting Connor to relinquish everything he worked for. Thanks for you feedback :)
Another winner no doubt.🌵Knew this was great when I read it. Congrats on the shortlist.🥳
Hey Mary, thanks so very much ☺️
Hi AerisYou had me with you all the way on this perilous journey. I felt I was out there searching for gold too. I was rooting for the Connor and his beautiful horse, even though I knew he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. At least, not fully. I must admit I wanted a happy ending, even though it wasn’t possible. Masterfully written.
Thank you for reading, Helen! :)
Hi Aeris!It’s always such a delight to see you familiar face on the shortlist! And this one was a stellar peace! I absolutely adore, did your immersive imagery and the way that you made the desert dance in our minds I also loved that twist at the end, and my heart was absolutely breaking for every character involved. This piece showed a side of the west that isn’t always discussed or truly felt but I thought you did an amazing job of bringing us to that time. Nice work!!
I came across this story while looking at older submissions, and just wow. This was such a wonderfully written story with a tragic twist. Most stories like this have the protagonist knowingly make a deal with the Devil, but it seems like poor Connor was completely tricked here. Great work!
I used to be much better at responding to comments in a timely fashion, but when I did initially read your feedback, it made my day, so thank you :)
Aeris, what I love about your stories is that I always feel like I'm dropped directly into a sensual environment. I know exactly where I am at all times, and I can feel the story moreso than just read it. Always mesmerizing.
Your comment made me smile when I read it two weeks ago, and then again now that I'm finally sitting down to respond to it. Thanks, Kevin :)
Congrats. I am not a fan of snakes.
Neither am I! Thanks for reading, Philip :)
Welcome.
Congrats.
He’d already sold his soul for gold… the devil is just a red herring. A lovely tale.
Thanks, Anne :)
Congrats on the shortlist! :)
Hi Khadija, thank you very much! :)
Hi Khadija, thank you very much! :)
Hi Audrey! Thanks for reading and for sharing your feedback. I genuinely appreciate your critique and will use it to tweak the story in my master docs. I too felt like the story was a little front-heavy with exposition/backstory, so maybe I can try and make the "objective" come through more clearly and quickly. And thanks for catching my typo! :)
Happy to help! I'm glad I got to read it.
Congratulations, Aeris!
Thank you, Suma!
A full western feels like new territory for you. Very well written and congrats on the shortlist! And I had to smile at the name of Conner’s horse as I had a cat named Thunder.
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