STORY INFO
Untold
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Author
Geir Westrul
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Categories
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Danh mục
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Update
1 year ago
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Part Chapter
1/??
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Reads
112
Content
“Where are we?” the old man said.“In a dark wood.”“Who are you?” said the old man.“Just … a brother,” said the young man.“Stop,” the old man said. “Let me look at you.”“It is dark.”“And I am blind. For me it is always dark. I can see with my hands, if you will allow me.”“Yes.”The old man felt first the young man’s wavy hair.“Please, describe the color of your hair.”
Outstanding reviews
Such a creative piece of writing Geir. Fascinating what you pulled off here. So easy to read, yet so complicated. Amazing!
Thank you, Viga. On the "easy to read" part: since my inspiration was fairly tales, I read a few of them from "Grimm's Fairy Tales" by Philip Pullman (author of the "His Dark Materials" series). I wanted to emulate that clean, clear way of fairy tale storytelling.
A story about stories! I was particularly impressed with the descriptions of color, and how you used those descriptions throughout the story. Having the 'brother' describe the room, and the people to Demodocus was great because it both gave the reader a visual description, but it also showed Jesse Garon Presley's own take on the room and the people. I felt this was a shortened version of a longer story, and notice in the comments that you have the longer version on the web. I look forward to reading the 'unabridged' version. Congrats!
A story about stories! I was particularly impressed with the descriptions of color, and how you used those descriptions throughout the story. Having the 'brother' describe the room, and the people to Demodocus was great because it both gave the reader a visual description, but it also showed Jesse Garon Presley's own take on the room and the people. I felt this was a shortened version of a longer story, and notice in the comments that you have the longer version on the web. I look forward to reading the 'unabridged' version. Congrats!
I loved the simple fable-like quality to this, but believe me, the complexity of what you pulled off was not lost on me. Just masterful, creative stuff. Kudos!!!
Molly, thank you! Yes, I was inspired by (and tried to emulate) fairy tales. The best fairy tales have that fable-like quality with an underlying complexity.
Hi Geir!Congratulations on this positively. Epic win! You did such an amazing job of cleaning stores within stories, and I love how you tied that mysterious beginning in by wrapping it all nicely in a bow at the very end. That beginning’s imagery was incredibly superb. I loved it!! I thought you did a great job of weaving in some common fairytales, that we know well also talking about Elvis’s brother, which was something that I was less familiar with. Nice job!!
Amanda, thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story.
Wow this is great! I loved the descriptions of all the colors. I do have to say though, how would the blind man know the color of red hot fire? Or dirt? Just something I was wondering about. I love the mentions to Elvis and Homer!! Haha too funny. Congrats on the well deserved win!
Carolyn, thank you, so glad you liked the story!On the concept of the colors, what I had in mind was that the blind man who did not have the sense of sight instead relies on the other senses, so for the example, he is associating red with fiery (maybe because those sometimes go together in the way people describe the color and associate it). It's an interesting problem, right?
Hmm. I like the way you described that. It really is an interesting idea. Nice play on the “ how do you explain colors to a blind man” thing. Thank you for sharing!
Hmm. I like the way you described that. It really is an interesting idea. Nice play on the “ how do you explain colors to a blind man” thing. Thank you for sharing!
Anne, thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm so glad you liked the story. I like the W.B. Yeats quote. It speaks to the same longing and hope I was aiming for in particular with Demodocus's final words in the story.
Anne, thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm so glad you liked the story. I like the W.B. Yeats quote. It speaks to the same longing and hope I was aiming for in particular with Demodocus's final words in the story.
Wow, Ian, thank you for that!!! What great, thoughtful comments. And Jesse Garon Presley would be pleased to see that you're inspired to see the forgotten characters in a new light. Perhaps even inspired to write a story featuring one of them, so that they get their own spot in the limelight?
As Someone who is blind, I have to say, that this was an awesome read! Maybe you could take this story and make it into a full length novel one day.
Jason, thank you! It's amazing how, in our imagination, we can put ourselves in the place of a character with a different experience of life, as with Demodocus, Homer's blind bard. I'm so pleased that the writing resonated. Yes, perhaps it can be expanded. Maybe it's the prologue for a longer story.
I saw what the young man described to the old man because the description is so well done, I gasped as I recognized the fairy tales, introduced so subtly, I wished this were a full-length novel because the writing draws one in, and I wanted to keep going through the enjoyable, clear, simple yet complex narrative... this is such a masterpiece!
Pasomi, thank you, I'm so glad you liked it. The novel version of this would be interesting. I think it might be Jesse and the sidekick characters on a quest, perhaps to cross over into the real world and help Demodocus in some way. Hmmmm.
I loved the poetic way you described colour to a blind man, such beautiful sensory detail.The idea that the secondary characters need their story told, to fit into the world and be remembered by their own story was delightful. That last message of hope is so true. We all want a glimmer of hope to keep us going to keep telling our stories to the world. Stories are important to help identify place and people and as the story teller, “you help them and inspire them to live their own stories.” Thanks for being an inspiration.
Thank you, Michelle - playing with colors from the perspective of someone who never had sight was a fun challenge. I think we all need our Demodocus to spark our hope into our own stories.
Congratulations on the win too!
Thank you!
Wow, love this! I have a picture I've drawn of a narrator called Page Turner, and this story reminded me of the world I have constantly in my mind; a world where all stories can mingle and characters meet each other in a different setting. Page is looking for her story and finds a group that shows her that her job is to help others tell their stories. This just resonates with me, and with Page, thanks so much for your contribution, this is truly a masterpiece.
Annie, thank you so much, and I'm glad you liked the story!Page Turner is a great name and her story-world sounds fascinating. You need to try out writing a story (or many) featuring her.
I was thinking of introducing her sometime soon, but I've just never gotten around to doing it, I will try to make a bigger effort now that you've mentioned it. :)
Great! Can't wait for the first Page Turner story!
Great! Can't wait for the first Page Turner story!
Fernando, thank you! Yes, I can see that this could spin into fractal tales where each minor character's minor characters' minor characters become major characters in their own stories.That's what so great about fiction: it never ends.
I LOVE IT! Very creative and inspirational. Keep going!
Thank you, Aireanna, I'm so glad you liked the story!
Such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Shannon! I'm so glad you liked the story.
Wow. That's the only thing I can say. Wow.
Alex, thank you! I’m so glad you liked the story.
Wow! This is a great story. I have learned that everyone has a story untold. Therefore, I'm going to live my life to the fullest and also inspire others to live theirs.
Kagisho, I'm so glad you liked the story, and that it was an inspiration to live your own story (and inspire others to live theirs)!
Beautifully told, meaningful piece.
Thank you, Helen, I'm so glad you liked the story!
This is one of my favorite stories I've ever read, truthfully. Like many others have stated, it is so easy to follow but there are mesmerizing layers of complexity. The messages behind the story deeply resonate with me. What a masterful and unique piece you have created.
Audrey, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so glad you liked the story!
Very unique concept. Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Geoffrey, thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story!
Wow! The part with Javotte asking if she would love and be loved was so neat! I wanted to hear the back stories of so many more characters! You have talent, Geir. I cant wait to hear more of your stories!
Lauren, thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story. "Will I love and be loved?" is the ultimate question. Javotte can live a story that "ends in a minor key" as long as she has that.If you want one more character's story, on my blog I have a version that includes the Grandmother from Little Red Riding Hood. Reedsy has a max 3,000 word count for submissions, so I had to cut that one, but (inspired by Jesse who wanted to make sure the Grandmother's story was told), it's availalbe here:https://www.storybuzz.com/blog/story-untold
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